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Sunday, September 02, 2007

The Little Johnny Downwards Health Plan: We will FORCE YOU to go to a Doctor

As the Downercrats running for President make their headlong rush into seeing which one can come up with the largest, fattest, most disgusting socialist monster of a health care plan, Little Johnny Downwards, whose campaign gets more hilarious by the day, has stated now that under his plan, he will force you to go to a doctor.

Force you? How does he do that?

It is socialism, folks - and we know what socialism does. But Downwards is trying to outdo even that pile of bureaucratic crappola.

Edwards backs mandatory preventive care

TIPTON, Iowa - Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards said on Sunday that his universal health care proposal would require that Americans go to the doctor for preventive care.

"It requires that everybody be covered. It requires that everybody get preventive care," he told a crowd sitting in lawn chairs in front of the Cedar County Courthouse. "If you are going to be in the system, you can't choose not to go to the doctor for 20 years. You have to go in and be checked and make sure that you are OK."

He noted, for example, that women would be required to have regular mammograms in an effort to find and treat "the first trace of problem." Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth, announced earlier this year that her breast cancer had returned and spread.

Edwards said his mandatory health care plan would cover preventive, chronic and long-term health care. The plan would include mental health care as well as dental and vision coverage for all Americans.

"The whole idea is a continuum of care, basically from birth to death," he said.

There it is, folks. Nikita Khrushchev, er, Little Johnny Downwards, says that his plan will cover you from birth to death, and make you go to a doctor when he says, when he wants.

So, in the spirit of this shocking development - which the American media passed right over so they could spend more time covering the 10th anniversary of the death of Princess Diana - we present this little play:

Citizen: Hello, I am a citizen.

Government Worker: Under the National Health Care Plan, we deem it necessary for you to go to a doctor right now. Here is your appointment with the doctor of our choosing.

Citizen: But, wait a second. I feel fine. I don't want to go to a doctor right now.

Government Worker: Tough shit, fella. Go to this appointment, or you will be fined $1,000 under Section 10985.3.5, subsection [Q], which states, and I quote, "If you do not go to the doctor's appointment set up for you under the Care Response Appointment Plan (CRAP), you will be fined for the first violation a sum of $1,000. If you do not respond to the second appointment, you will be fined $2,000. A third violation will mean 1-3 years in prison." And when I say prison, I mean hard time.

Citizen (holding head): This is shocking! I didn't vote for this when I cast my ballot for this President in 2008! I have to go to a doctor when you want me to, or I will face fines or prison?

Government Worker: You bet your ass, fella. Now do it, or I will be back to your home with several health care workers from the institution and you will be locked up.

Citizen: Holy shit!

Government Worker: And don't curse. Under the Plan, cursing causes increased stress for you and those around you, and is against the law. So stop doing it, or I will have your ass hauled off to jail.

This little play was brought to you by the number 400, which is how much Little Johnny Downwards pays for a haircut, and the letter F, which stands for the fucking you will get if a Downercrat is elected President in 2008.

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